Regret Among the Golden Stars
by xXxfictionalgrace
Summary: The High School Graduation dance. Kanra didn't really want to go; Shinra forced her to come. She never intended to come; she never intended to see him again. fem!Izaya and Shizuo. rated T for language. First story, so please R & R. 60% vent story.
1. Chapter 1 Instant Regret

Kanra blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the gym. Strobe lights of a seemingly endless rotation of colors flashed in the dark, illuminating the moving figures of the gym. Golden stars hung around the gym, scattered across the white walls like a pale night lit by the moon's light. The deep bass of music resonated through the gym. Closer to the speakers, the bass could be felt deep in your chest, like a pounding heartbeat.

Everyone was dressed up nicely; suits for the guys, and -ranging from tight-fit and low cut, to long, gothic-style- dresses for the girls. The energy radiating off of the almost-out-of-high-school students seemed to spread like wildfire. The center circle of people pounded their fists into the air to the beat of the bass. Laughter and cracking voices attempting to sing bounced off the ceiling.

The smell of sweat and skin, mixed with sugar and smoke, reached the raven haired teen's nose. She wrinkled his nose slightly; red-brown eyes glared out at her surroundings.

Kanra had only agreed to come to the promotion dance for two reasons: one was that her soon-to-be-doctor friend, Shinra Kishitani, had begged her to come along, even offering her a ride to the school. That ride turned out to be in the sidecar of Shinra's roommate's "motorcycle." The Black Rider, Shinra's roommate, did not come as a surprise to Kanra. She already knew, anyways.

The other reason…

Feeling heat rise up to her face, Kanra ducked her head down and turned her reddish gaze to Shinra.

"Hey, Shinra," she shouted over the music, "What now?"

Shinra looked over from chatting to Kadota and smiled. "Walk around, I guess. Enjoy the music! Dance!"

Pushing his glasses back up the ridge of his nose, Shinra all but danced away, beckoning for Kadota and kanra to follow. Kadota frowned-but then again, than was usually his normal expression- and followed the other teen through the outskirts of the center crowd.

And people called _Kanra Orihara _crazy. Sure, she had an uncanny obsession for watching humans and all, but she didn't flutter away like a freaking fairy while grinning like a madman.

Alright, maybe the last part fit Kanra, but still…

With a small sigh, Kanra followed the other two, making her way past people like water slipping around stones in a river. They made their way through the crowd, occasionally stopping so that Shinra could talk with another student. Kanra stood quietly to the side, watching the other graduating students dance the night away. Absentmindedly, she smoothed out the skirts of her gothic dress. The dark red had black laced roses sewn in; solid black leggings hugged her thin legs. A black, military like cover up was draped over Kanra's shoulders; on her feet were a pair of combat boots that almost reached up to her knees.

Kanra didn't like dressing up, but she really didn't have a choice. Shinra had been a pest the night before, making sure she wore something formal to the dance.

With another small sigh, Kanra's gaze wandered across the crowd, keeping an eye on the humans before her. A small grin tugged up at her lips as she watched the teens dancing with each other.

At least the dance gave her a chance to observe humans. That was a plus.

"Kanra-kun! Dota-chin! Let's go outside, it's getting stuffy in here! Follow me!" Shinra called out to his two friends.

Kadota's eye twitched as they moved to follow Shinra.

"Thanks for that damn nickname, Kanra." he grumbled.

Kanra smiled her usually sadistic smile. "You're welcome, Dota-chin~!"

"Don't call me that- Hey!"

Laughing now, already in a much brighter mood, Kanra skipped off to catch up with Shinra.

#

Shinra rambled on about the brain and its many functions. Kadota acted like he was listening. Kanra stared out at the fading light of the sun. The orange color glanced off Kanra's pale skin like the glowing of a fire. Her eyes were even more vividly red in the sun's light. A cool breeze stirred, and Kanra pushed back her bangs from her face.

Her usually smirk pasted across her face, Kanra turned and walked toward the double doors.

"Come on guys," she stated, "it's boring out here. Let's go back in so I can observe my lovely humans~"

Shinra groaned and said, "Now you're saying you own them? Kanra-kun, really?"

The raven haired girl just laughed in response and pushed open the doors leading back to the pounding music.

Then everything drained into the background, and her smirk turned into an unemotional mask. She felt herself freeze, and her eyes widened just a bit; all Kanra felt was heat in her cheeks and her tight chest, her throat closing up.

He stood there, listening quietly to his friends yell over the music. A small smile spread across his thin lips. The liquid gold-and-honey eyes tinted green from the strobe lights current color. Dirty blond hair tousled with a few stray locks falling in front of his eyes.

Kanra's heart beat painfully, her chest tightening even more.

It hurt.

It hurt to see him.

Him, Shizuo Hewajima.

"Damn it," Kanra whispered.

She instantly regretted ever hoping he would come to the dance tonight; it fucking _hurt so much._


	2. Chapter 2 Starting Line

Chapter Two

Starting Line

She remembered, back when it all started. The new, most interesting human Kanra found during freshman year. Well, Shizuo Heiwajima was not human, but he was interesting.

Her keen red eyes watched as the blond haired teen knocked down the last of the team across the field with his fist. A sly smirk spread across Kanra's face. She clapped sharply, causing the blond before her to whirl around, piercing honey-gold gaze settling on her. A shiver ran down the young teen's spine; she loved the way he glared at her, and _only_ her.

Suppressing her laughter, Kanra continued to stare back at Shizuo, while their friend, Shinra Kishitani, piped up cheerfully.

"This is Kanra Orihara from our Junior High. Well, she's pretty nice… To be honest, she's really not good at all."

With a small sigh, Kanra murmured, "That isn't nice, Shinra."

Shinra turned and smiled at her. "No, no! I meant that in a good way-"

"You piss me off."

The blonde's deep voice interrupted Shinra's hasty correction of his earlier comment. Shinra jerked in surprise, turning back to look at his other friend standing in the field.

Kanra smirked again, feeling a small rush of energy course through her, causing her heart to beat a little bit faster.

"Oh yeah?" Kanra stared at the blonde, then rolled back her head and said, "Too bad. I was thinking that you and I could have some fun together."

She let her lips curl into another smirk, looking back at Shizuo. He continued to glare, and then stiffly turned his head away.

"Shut up."

"No why you do you have to be like that, Shizuo~?"

Kanra expected him to snap when she said his name. And he did.

His eyes burning with rage, the blonde lunged towards her, swinging his fist straight at her face. Kanra grinned and easily ducked, swiveling around until she was behind the other's back. Shizuo blinked in surprise before twisting around, right as Kanra unsheathed her pocket knife with a metallic _shink_. The blade sliced clean through Shizuo's collared shirt and his skin, drawing a long red line of blood and spraying the air with hints of crimson. Kanra felt exhilarated; such strength in a single human being. No, Shizuo wasn't human; he was a monster. Yet Kanra felt her heart beat wildly. She wanted him to be _her_ monster.

Bringing the blade in front of her defensively, Kanra let an easy smile she usually wore spread across her face.

The mockery in her voice was evident. "See? Isn't this a blast~? But it isn't polite to hit a girl, you know~."

Both of the two teens held each other's gazes, crimson against honey-gold.

Suppressing the laughter bubbling up inside of her chest, Kanra continued to gaze at the unfaltering blonde before her. This would be so fun, messing with him, just to see what he would do!

Yet… Something stirred inside of her, and the feeling was so unnatural, so alien, that it unsettled the raven-haired teen. Kanra could easily gauge the reactions of many, and she knew what to do to people to get them to react in some way-

No. Not just in some way; the way she _wanted_ them to react.

So, the one before her would be an interesting _monster_ to watch.

The puppet on his master's strings, and Kanra would make sure she was the master puppeteer of those invisible threads.

Yet, _still_… Something inside of her chest hurt, and she felt really _alive_ around Shizuo Heiwajima.

_What is this feeling? What is it called? _Kanra mulled over these thoughts in her head, these questions.

She didn't like it all.

"_Emotions"…what "emotion" am I feeling right now?_

They continued to stare at each other, the tension easing out of the air between them. Shizuo slowly straightened, sucked in his anger, and turned sharply, leaving the raven-haired teen to ponder over the new "emotion" she felt in her heart.

With a painful beat of her heart, Kanra watched as her monster walked silently away. She felt a longing to follow him, wrap her arms around him and never let go—

_Wait. What? Why does it hurt…I don't get it…What…are these thoughts?...Damn it. I don't like it. But I want it; I want him…_

Her mind raged. Her hand lowered.

Shinra smiled at her, waving as he ran off, shouting, "I'll see you in class! Or not, 'cause, you know, you're always disappeared and skipping classes…"

His voice faded into the background. Kanra swallowed, for once a bit scared in her life; these feelings weren't _welcome_, and she didn't _want_ them.

Blinking away the sudden threat of tears and swallowing the cry building up in her throat, Kanra turned on her heal and walked the opposite way of which Shizuo departed.

The two words rang through her head all the way back to her apartment, following her, resonating every time her heart beat in her chest.

_Lust. Love._


End file.
